


Empty Bottles and Lonely Nights

by GraduateGraduate



Category: Christmas Beverages
Genre: Angst, Christmas Beverage Smut, F/M, Fluff, I'm so sorry, Merry Christmas, Multi, Porn, Someone take Word away from me, This is trash, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-27
Updated: 2015-12-27
Packaged: 2018-05-09 01:44:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5520737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GraduateGraduate/pseuds/GraduateGraduate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eggnog is the new girl in town, and when Rum catches her eye, all warm, dark and mysterious, she can't get him out of her mind.</p><p>Will she get a taste of him before it's too late?</p><p>Intentional trash. Do not read.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Empty Bottles and Lonely Nights

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, so it's a little late for Christmas, but this was my gift to a [dear friend](http://bellewether.tumblr.com/post/136482155919/january-2nd-2016-going-to-start-the-year-off) who told me her OTP was rum and eggnog. She went on to make the following glorious fanart for it. I'm so sorry this exists. All of it.
> 
>  
> 
>  

It was another regular Friday evening at the Mao residence. Rum sat in his usual place on the shelf, steady and stoic, his glass shoulders puffed out, the word “Bacardi” stretched tight across his chest.

It had been weeks since he’d last had a visit from one of his girls. Coke was his usual visitor, but she’d been going out alone lately. She hadn’t been around in so long, he’s pretty sure he’d go out with her sister, Pepsi, if she asked.

So when Mao gets home, Coke, Orange Juice, and Eggnog in tow, Rum’s shooting quick glances trying to catch Coke’s eye, but being nonchalant about it. Can’t have her knowing he wants her.

Coke’s having none of it. She shuts herself away in a separate cupboard, the others disappear into the fridge, and Rum sighs to himself, another failed evening.

“Hey, Vodka!” Rum calls. “You haven’t seen Coke lately, have you?” He tries to keep his tone light, but there’s a slight undertone of jealousy impossible to miss.

“Nah, mang,” Vodka calls back. “I see Orange Juice Sunday mornings, you know that.”

“Oh, right,” Rum replies. His relief is audible. But he can’t come up with any other explanation for Coke’s absence if she isn’t seeing someone new.

***

Eggnog is a little dizzy. She’s had a rough morning. One moment she was sitting peacefully with her sisters, enjoying the bright light of another crisp Safeway day, and the next she was being jostled to the front row where someone dropped her into a cart with a bunch of other perishables she’d never met before.

“Oy! You’re on my nuts!” cried the almonds.

“Oh! So sorry! I’m so sorry!” Eggnog exclaims. She’s grateful her blush isn’t visible over the festive red of her carton, and she tries to settle herself into an unoccupied corner of the basket.

She keeps to herself for the rest of the trip to her new home. When they arrive they’re segregated by temperature. She’s relieved to be returned to the fridge. She let’s out a loud sigh of contentment when the door closes, and she’s in the cool, quiet, dark.

But not a moment after the dark hits does the chaos start.

“I DON’T BELONG IN HERE,” Kraft Peanut Butter complains loudly. “Can no one read? I’m not the all natural crap, no offense Adam’s.”

“None taken,” Adam’s Peanut Butter sighs.

“WHO FARTED?!” the Carrots yell in unison.

“That’s just how we smell…” the Brussell Sprouts whisper, squeezing themselves into the back corner of the crisper.

“Who’s this new bitch?” Milk gives Eggnog a shove.

Eggnog is appalled. “Excuse me?!”

“Don’t mind Milk,” Butter calls down. “As long as you stay away from Cereal, you’ll have no problems.”

“Who’s Cereal?” Eggnog is confused. She had no plans to go anywhere near this Cereal. She just wants to stand here like she stood in Safeway and mind her own business. She already misses the calm of her aisle. Everyone is on edge here.

The light comes on and the door swings wide. The Eggs scream as their carton is pulled from the depths of the fridge.

The rest of the fridge sighs with relief as the door closes and they’re plunged back into darkness. When the door opens again, everyone waits with baited breath as the carton is slid back into place.

Eggnog is confused. “They came back. Why all the screaming?”

“Not all of them made it,” Cheese whispers sadly.

“Oh…” Eggnog replies. She makes sure to sound sympathetic, but really she doesn’t think it’s as bad as they think it is. I mean, she’d been pulled from her usual shelf and she hadn’t returned, but she was off experiencing new things. And, I mean, she’d already been called a bitch, but it wasn’t going terribly.

Every time the fridge door opens, she holds her breath with the rest of them. But while the others pray to Saint Perishable that they are not the chosen one, Eggnog silently hopes she is. She wants to see a little more of this new world.

***

It’s been a few days since Eggnog ventured out of the fridge for the first time. It had been a quick adventure, and Eggnog had tried to take everything she could in during the short moment she had outside the frigid dark of her plastic door.

She had glimpsed him just as the glass had been set in front of her. She liked the way his label hugged his form, and his liquid was dark and clear, so unlike her own. And he was kept on a shelf at room temperature. He must be so warm.

She shot him a little wink as she was tipped up, releasing some of her cold creamy fluid into the cup, but to her dismay he didn’t seem to notice.

She was returned to the fridge, a little emptier, and a little more lonely than she’d been when she left.

***

“Did you see that?!” Gin calls.

“See what?” Vodka calls back.

“The look that new seasonal girl gave Rum! Right before flashing everyone her bottom? Jesus,” Gin sounds like she’s replaying the visual over again in her mind. “I mean, no one tell Tonic I said anything, because her rim is lovely. But I would not be against seeing that again.”

Rum perks up. “I missed it! You’re sure it was meant for me?”

“Positive,” Gin says, her envy evident.

Rum smiles to himself for the first time in a long time. His pulse quickens everytime the fridge door opens.

***

Eggnog spends her time thinking about Rum and how he’d feel mixed in with her. Cold, thick, creamy eggnoggy goodness swirling in a glass with that rich brown elixir. Just thinking about it makes her feel a little drunk and giddy.

She decides the next time she gets the chance, she’s going to make Rum notice her. She hasn’t decided how, just that she’s going to do it.

So when she’s pulled from the fridge, she barely has a moment to prepare herself. But she swirls her carton seductively, mixing her insides, as she gazes longingly at Rum and calls out, “All I do is think about what you’d feel like inside me,” as smoothly as she can manage.

That has his attention.

That has the entire liquor cabinet’s attention.

Gin’s cap nearly spins off. She sputters, “Lucky bastard,” under her breath.

“Orange Juice never says that shit,” Vodka complains. “Never any foreplay. Just straight to it.”

Rum is speechless. Eggnog is every bit as lovely as Gin had said. Her holiday-themed crimson carton is both cheery and sexy, and the way her creamy liquid flows from her is like nothing he’s ever seen before. If it were up to him, he’d be letting his own liquid flow into hers, watch and taste as they mix together.

But it’s not up to him.

Mao doesn’t reach for him. Just puts Eggnog back in the fridge and walks out of the room with her delicious draught.

He can’t get her out of his mind for the rest of the evening. Even when Coke is placed on the counter, winking and fizzing at him as she does, he’s still thinking about Eggnog’s creamy goodness and how badly he wants to fill a cup with her. So when Mao reaches past him for Jager, he hardly minds.

***

Eggnog is starting to grow hopeless. Every day she dreams of Rum and his dark mysterious liquid, but she is always returned to the fridge without getting so much as a whiff of him. She’s nearly been emptied, and while she’s sure she’s lived a full life, she’s not sure she’ll have ever really lived until she’s experienced Rum’s taste intermingled with her own.

She’s grabbed round the middle and pulled from the fridge. She bids Milk goodbye (they’ve become pretty close since Eggnog has made it clear she has no interest in Cereal), and tells the Eggs not to cry for her, as she’s sure she only has one last adventure in her. She will not return.

But she can’t believe the sight that meets her when she adjusts to the brightness of the kitchen. Rum is standing tall and proud next to a tall glass. A tall glass that he’s already spilled a small amount of his rich, brown elixir into.  
“Rum!” She shouts, “I’ve waited so long for this day! I thought it would never come!”

“Me too,” he calls back. He attempts to look confident and indifferent, but Eggnog is certain she sees a hint of hesitance, maybe self doubt there.

“What is it?” she asks.

“I just… I hope it’s enough…” he glances at the shot of liquid in the bottom of the glass.

“It looks perfect,” Eggnog soothes.

She puckers the edge of her carton and dips ever so slightly to the edge of the glass. She can smell Rum, and he smells even more amazing than she could have ever imagined. So badly does she want to pour her own liquid in to mix and swirl, with his. But she holds his gaze and tips forward ever so slowly. A little closer, a little closer, her teasing leaving him breathless.

“Fuck,” he exhales. “Please, I just want to feel your cool creaminess against me.”

She can’t help it, she wants that too, and she finds herself spilling over the edge, thick cold dairy bursting forth, kissing Rum, dancing together more and more quickly until a little vortex threatens to engulf them entirely.

Eggnog can no longer tell where she ends and Rum begins but it’s wonderful. He cuts through her thick sweetness with a sharpness she couldn’t have predicted and it’s perfect. He’s perfect.

She doesn’t know what’s come over her but she’s crying out for “more! MORE!” and she gets what she’s asked for. A little extra brown liquor splashing down upon them, sinking in to bring even more flavour to their union.

Rum is moaning his pleasure all around her. He sounds a little shy when he speaks next. “I, um… I’ve never tried it before, but would you mind if Nutmeg joined us?”

Eggnog cries out, “YES!” and then realizing maybe that sounds like she minds, adds in “Fuck yes! Nutmeg, get in here!”

Nutmeg’s a sly, coy little thing. She positions herself above the two of them, allowing the scent of her to tease them, before shaking ever so slightly and sprinkling out her warm spice that falls gently upon them.

Rum can’t believe his luck. It’s never been this good. Not even that time Coke agreed to let Lime join in on the action.

Eggnog is warm and groggy and totally sated. She holds Rum close, Nutmeg giggling along her surface.

Her carton is empty. But what a way to go.


End file.
